Hey everyone,

Long time no Blog and I have been very busy since my last blog! Been to lots of cool places and had some amazing times! So basically I wanted to post this photo for you to see that I am indeed very HAPPY at the moment and that is due to the person on the right hand of the photo!
I have heard so many rumours and gossip around which I want to put right and stop it all here and now! I am fine as you can see, I am very happy and currently going to Maybridge Church over in Worthing. As you can see I have had a bit of hair growth too!! Long gone is the short Lesbian haircut! LOL!

Also some people have very unkindly spread some rumours about us which has caused a lot of upset and unnecessary worry. It's a shame because it came from some people who I wouldn't expect it to have come from, it's made coming to church at Arun very difficult and we both feel very unwelcome there at the moment.

My life is quite frankly FANTASTIC at the moment and I am living everyday with a smile on my face because we are very much in Love and yes some people may look upon our relationship negatively but after all I have been through it's only fair that I have found happiness and we believe it is right in Gods eyes.

So everyone Please please be happy for me and don't worry about me, just be my friends and stand by me as you always have done in the past.

I truely do value all your friendships and love you all lots!

Take Care and see you soon,

Matt x

Hey Everyone,

This post is dedicated to Mandy Tasker who tragically died suddenly on Thursday evening. Mandy was a Manager at work and a very good friend who I have worked with since I started at WHSmith's 8 years ago.

I got a phone call today from work from another of my Managers to tell me that Mandy had suddenly died on Thursday night from a Brain Hemirage. Words fail me right now because I am numb with shock, I just cannot believe what has happened. I last saw Mandy on Thursday at work as we passed by each other and gave each other a smile and a friendly Hello, and I will always remember her for her friendlyness and happiness that shone from her. She was the most caring, funny and wonderful person you could ever meet. She was in her 40's so was only young and has left a dedicated husband Adam, and a 17 year old son Josh, and I know how much they must be hurting right now.

Everyone at Work is in shock and we are all trying to pull together and support each other and get through this sad time. We are very much a team at WHSmith and we have suddenly lost a very important person on this team and it's left a gaping hole that can never be filled and as I said to one of my friends today, work will never ever be the same again. You may be thinking this is some kind of over reaction?! But when you are part of a close knit team at work like being a Firefighter or a Policeman you create a bond with your co-workers because you see them everyday and to lose someone from your team is just so tragic.

Mandy was the first person to be there for me when I returned to work after my Dad's death, she promised to keep an eye on me and to help me if I was struggling which she did everytime I felt low and upset. I will always be thankful to her for this help.

For me it's brought back so many memories of my Dad passing away and all the emotions have come flooding back. I had been struggling lately since being back from South Africa with different emotions and going through the mourning again a year on, and this has just surged it all forward again and I feel so very very weak right now.

I have cried a lot today for the passing of a good friend, and now I look to going into a very difficult week at work being in the place where she used to be and to be good friends to those around me to comfort and talk things through. Then I have to decide if I am strong enough to go to a memorial service for Mandy, I am determined to be strong for it.

So please if you have time say a lil prayer for me, and this situation and for her husband Adam & son Josh who are left behind. I am not doing very well at all and finding it all very difficult to cope with.

Matt xxxx

Hey everyone,

I am so sorry for the delay in writing a blog, but blogger.com has not been accessable at the moment for some reason, but its back for now. Well here is my first blog to you all and will cover the first few days of being in South Africa.

Saturday 11th February

Well the day started out pretty nervously as I was a little scared bout going away for so long, and the fact that the years events were catching up with me. We left for the airport at 2:30pm with Mr Sampey doing a wonderful job of getting us there by 4:00pm, so we hung around a while waiting to check in. Being a gentleman I was trying to haul around to suitcases that were not behaving! Anyway checked in nice and early and claimed our window seats, and set off for the tax free shopping, now as most of you know I work at an airport so this thought didnt excite me as I can tax free shop at Gatwick whenever, but for those who know me really well, I love to shop! LOL! So had a great time looking around the stores and getting a Burger King for dinner. As anyone who flies knows, you gotta store up some food before you go on a plane because the plane meals arnt great!

So headed for the gate on time and got into the mega long que for the plane, this thing was a full flight so hand luggage was limited to one bag, although they didnt bother checking half the people LOL! Anyway, found our seats and me being lovely I let my Mum take the window seat as I have seen it all before and this was her first flight in many years.

The take off was brilliant, and my Mum's face was a picture, as those of you have flown know it's quite an acceleration kick in a Jumbo! We flew over London and saw it lit up, and then headed south and flew directly over Littlehampton which was brilliant, and then on our left we saw Brighton all lit up including the Pier, it was truly breath taking. Settled into the flight and got some dinner which was chicken curry! Well it could have been roast beef, but they had run out by this point, grrr! So gobbled it down because it was actually very good, and left the dodgy looking salad. Managed to trade a time out bar from my Mum's dinner for a bottle of water! So a good deal, enjoyed a nice glass of wine with my meal aswell.

I decided to then watch movie after movie on the seatback tv and drifted in and out of sleep but never actually slept properly. Bout 4am I looked out the window the see thunderstorms pretty close by, it was awesome to see, as I have never seen storms from above, and these things were flashing constantly! We then actually flew through one, which shook the aircraft about and I saw lightening very close up! Quite scary but the pilot had no choice, he couldn't go around them. Saw some amazing scenery from up there, and then was treated to a 1.5 hour long sunrise, just above the wing, it was truly awesome. We then the most amazing breakfast! Dan and Pete you will pleased to hear gone is the dodgy looking plastic scrambled and bit of Bacon, you now get a full on Bacon Roll! With Ketchup! It was amazing, with a blueberry muffin and tea and coffee, it was a great way to end the flight.

Sunday 12th February
Arrived in Jo'burg and scared my Mum by showing her we were still at 6,000feet when we were landing, teeehee! It's a high airport and it freaks you out seeing cloud at 6,000 feet and then landing out of nowhere! Waited in the long que at immigration, and then as we arrived at the baggage carousel our bags appeared straight away, brilliant timing! Another que for customs and then out into arrivals and straight away bugged by the annoying porters in their orange suits! Managed to battle them off whilst trying to protect my Mum and drag two suitcases and escaped to the Domestic Terminal which was one hell of a long walk!

Checked in ontime for our next flights and went through to wait for our flight. The new domestic terminal is amazing! For Pete and Dan and Jon and Kirsty who have been before, this new place is superb. Loads of Shops including a Spur! Its really nice, and even easier to find your gate. Said goodbye to my Mum as she went off to board her flight to Durban to see her family, was sad because we are going to be apart on the week of the first year of my Dad not being with us.

Boarded my plane to PE very tired and was then met by Lady with crying Baby who sat next to me LOL! He was thr cutest baby though, and when he got his milk he was soon quiet and slept most of the flight. But when he was awake, boy did he scream! We also had crying toddler 2 rows back who decided to cry non stop for 2 hours! So that gave me a headache and I decided I didnt want children for a long time, if ever! Got to PE very quickly thanks to a tailwind, and landed with a thump thanks to the wind. At baggage reclaim my bag was 3rd off, so was well chuffed!

Went out to arrivals and was greeted by the ever smiling Jason Carter! Was great to see him after so many years again. When I got to the plane door, I was greeted by a whoosh of 33 degrees centigrade air, it was quite a sensation and I never experienced that before considering it was 2-3 degrees when I left the UK! Went back to Jason's to take a shower and freshen up after a long journey and went to pick up his Fiancee Hayley who is lovely. We had lunch with all his family, his Mum and Dad say Howzit to Dan and Pete and they miss you lots.

In the evening we went to Harvest Church and had THE most amazing time of worship, I sung my heart out that night, it was awesome. The talk was good but I was battling staying awake at that point LOL! Met a whole host of new people, and then left for Jason's. We stopped of at Steers on the way home because my stomach decided to wake up, and had some of their lovely chips with special seasoning! So that was just for you Dan, mmmmmmm Steers!

So its been an eventful first couple of days and I am totally exhausted still, but it's great to be seeing all the things I remember so well. I am missing home though, and the people there, so now only 18 days to go which doesn't seem a lot! Hope you enjoy the photo's and check back here daily for more news from down South proper!

See you "Just now"

Bazza

Hey everyone,

Well on Saturday I wrote a really long post that was lost somehow on this Blogger thing after I posted, so I am a little pee'd off about that!! So I will try and write again from the heart hopefully close to what I said last time.

Well its one week to go before my lil adventure out to South Africa for 3 weeks, and its a time of quite mixed emotions at the moment. February has been a bit of a difficult month so far for me, on the 1st day I felt particualy sad and the tears flowed because it brings back so many memories of my Dad being in Hospital this time last year. We had such hope that he would pull through and that we would have him home again not long after my birthday.

It's a strange time coming up on my trip away, I am excited to be going away and having a break from England and stepping out of this situation, but then I know when I am there it is gonna be a time of shouting and screaming and bucketfuls of tears that will flow. It needs to come out of me, because it's been bottled up for so long and I need to sort things out in my head.

But it's not all been bad in February so far some things have made smile, and some things have happened in my life that have brought me a new level of happiness, a feeling that I can carry on with life.

I know when I go away on Saturday, that I will be coming back a very changed person. It's time for me to come home renewed and re-strengthened and to jump back into this life and live it to the maximum. If there is one piece of advice for you all out there, it is to live life to it's fullest. I know same old story and you've heard it all before, but seriously just live it! Just recently I have learnt to live life without all the restrictions that holds me back, I am trying new things, doing things that maybe I wouldn't usally do. Taking risks is what life is about, you have to try as you will never know what could have happened if you didnt try it. Change hurt's I am no stranger to that feeling, but I will state know that I will come back different and I know I need to sort some things out in my life that will bring change, but will be ultimately for the good.

I have lost my Hero, my Dad, and it physically hurts every single day.

So here I go into the unknown for the time being, I am scared, excited and aprehensive about what lays ahead of me, but I know when I come back in 3 weeks that new things lay ahead, good things and I have to reach out and grab them.

So thats whats in my head for the time being, I'll write again before I leave and will write a South Africa blog daily to keep you all informed of what I am up to out there.

Live your life to its maximum, I challenge you.

Bazza xxx

Hi Guys,

Well this post is gonna shock a few people, cause after my last post well its gotta be said not much reaction to it! Its got to be said I am confused about Christianity right now. I have been a "Christian" for 14 years now?! Approx anyway, I like to think though that I am not a Christian, because Christianity has let me down lately. I believe I have a friendship with God, so therefore I am not anything as such or have a title to live up to. Christianity is defined as being Christ like, and at a point in life we all devote our lives to God. So then we are given the title of a "Christian". Why though is this? I do my very best to live a christ like life but its damn hard! In 14 years I have never achieved it, but God has been good to me, he see's my effort and I apologise to him when I go wrong. Yes at times I believe I have over stepped the mark and God has disciplined me for it, but that's life and you get on with it. I just can't live up to being perfect, its very difficult.

Now that leads you to a cross roads, what do you do?! Do you steam on and try and live the perfect life, or do you decided to try and build a friendship with God and admit when your wrong and confess it and move on? Well for me, I gotta move on with a friendship with God, as I said the whole Christianity thing has let me down lately. Since my Dad has died, to say we havnt had much help in my family is an understatement! We have had a core group of friends and you know who you are, but some people out there especially in my church, well like I said how can we say we are Christ like?! Hey I might be being a little unfair, but you'd think that you would get some help from your church.

Basically guys I am a little confused with life at the moment, and would appriciate any input any of you have, because frankly I can't do it on my own. I need friendship and support and for someone just to listen.

Well South Africa beckons in 3 weeks, I am hoping I will find some of my answers out there.

Til the next time....

Bazza

I would just like to say having watched the FA Cup third round tie of Luton Town v Liverpool that Liverpool are lucky bastards!!!

They didnt deserve to win at all, and were lucky to, and to also suggest that Alonso's goal from his own half was record book mentioning, well it would help if it was against a goalkeeper!!

I flipping hate Liverpool sometimes! Bunch of winging wining scousers!!! Grrrrrr!

Bazza

Hey everybody,

Well look who's back, back again as the great Eminem once sang! Yes I have decided to return to the great blogging world, as sooooo many people have been on at me cause my last post was October! Ahem......

So anyway, a lot of things have changed since then, I am not doing so good at the moment. I feel down, upset and still grieving for my Dad. People say it gets easier with time, but when you havn't see your Dad or heard his voice for nearly 11 months, well you work it out. It hurts, more than anything in the world. I go around this world with a smile on my face and telling the jokes because its part of my character, but I am afraid its time to change. I need to start wearing my heart on my sleeve, and show my emotions more. I feel so very alone, and I have people around supporting me, but inside I feel empty.

Anyway onto some news that a lot of you know already....I am off to sunny South Africa in 4 weeks on Saturday for a near month trip! It is my return trip from 2002 when I went with Pete and Dan. Its quite daunting because I am going to PE on my own and of course it will be summer, and that in South Africa means Snakes and Spiders.....If you know me you will know I dont like both of them, BUT I can live with them if we come to an arrangement of personal space! So if they stay a good distance away then I and them of course are happy! I am particualy nervous of meeting the Rain Spider, these things are bigger than Tarantulas but are about as brave and aggressive as my little finger! So you see thats where the personal space comes into it, if he stays away he can live.

It will be a great time though to spend a laugh with my good friend Jason Carter, a great great friend and it was Jase who rang me up the day after my Dad died to see how I was doing, now that is friendship calling from so far away! I will always be grateful for that call. My Mum is travelling out with me to Johannesburg, and from there she is going to Durban to see and stay with her family there, but she is coming to PE for a few days to check out what I have been going on about for all these years! I am looking forward to going back to my second church "Harvest Church", it truly is a wonderful place and so full of God. The purpose of my trip is to basically get away from the situation of it being a year since my Dad died, I couldn't face being in the country when the time came, so this is my way of leaving and coming back to start over again. I will also hopefully be blogging most days with photo's of what I have been up to. While you guys shiver at -5 degrees here I will be on the beach in 30 degrees and sunny sunshine! Hee hee!!

So there is a lil update for you all at the moment, things are difficult and I mean with my christianty as well, but thats a whole other story! But it needs to be addressed soon, I am wandering and the distance to get back is getting longer......

Will write again soon!

Bazza