Kibbler's Natter

2006-10-10T20:38:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone,

Long time no Blog and I have been very busy since my last blog! Been to lots of cool places and had some amazing times! So basically I wanted to post this photo for you to see that I am indeed very HAPPY at the moment and that is due to the person on the right hand of the photo!
I have heard so many rumours and gossip around which I want to put right and stop it all here and now! I am fine as you can see, I am very happy and currently going to Maybridge Church over in Worthing. As you can see I have had a bit of hair growth too!! Long gone is the short Lesbian haircut! LOL!

Also some people have very unkindly spread some rumours about us which has caused a lot of upset and unnecessary worry. It's a shame because it came from some people who I wouldn't expect it to have come from, it's made coming to church at Arun very difficult and we both feel very unwelcome there at the moment.

My life is quite frankly FANTASTIC at the moment and I am living everyday with a smile on my face because we are very much in Love and yes some people may look upon our relationship negatively but after all I have been through it's only fair that I have found happiness and we believe it is right in Gods eyes.

So everyone Please please be happy for me and don't worry about me, just be my friends and stand by me as you always have done in the past.

I truely do value all your friendships and love you all lots!

Take Care and see you soon,

Matt x

2006-04-02T01:53:00.000+01:00

Hey Everyone,

This post is dedicated to Mandy Tasker who tragically died suddenly on Thursday evening. Mandy was a Manager at work and a very good friend who I have worked with since I started at WHSmith's 8 years ago.

I got a phone call today from work from another of my Managers to tell me that Mandy had suddenly died on Thursday night from a Brain Hemirage. Words fail me right now because I am numb with shock, I just cannot believe what has happened. I last saw Mandy on Thursday at work as we passed by each other and gave each other a smile and a friendly Hello, and I will always remember her for her friendlyness and happiness that shone from her. She was the most caring, funny and wonderful person you could ever meet. She was in her 40's so was only young and has left a dedicated husband Adam, and a 17 year old son Josh, and I know how much they must be hurting right now.

Everyone at Work is in shock and we are all trying to pull together and support each other and get through this sad time. We are very much a team at WHSmith and we have suddenly lost a very important person on this team and it's left a gaping hole that can never be filled and as I said to one of my friends today, work will never ever be the same again. You may be thinking this is some kind of over reaction?! But when you are part of a close knit team at work like being a Firefighter or a Policeman you create a bond with your co-workers because you see them everyday and to lose someone from your team is just so tragic.

Mandy was the first person to be there for me when I returned to work after my Dad's death, she promised to keep an eye on me and to help me if I was struggling which she did everytime I felt low and upset. I will always be thankful to her for this help.

For me it's brought back so many memories of my Dad passing away and all the emotions have come flooding back. I had been struggling lately since being back from South Africa with different emotions and going through the mourning again a year on, and this has just surged it all forward again and I feel so very very weak right now.

I have cried a lot today for the passing of a good friend, and now I look to going into a very difficult week at work being in the place where she used to be and to be good friends to those around me to comfort and talk things through. Then I have to decide if I am strong enough to go to a memorial service for Mandy, I am determined to be strong for it.

So please if you have time say a lil prayer for me, and this situation and for her husband Adam & son Josh who are left behind. I am not doing very well at all and finding it all very difficult to cope with.

Matt xxxx

2006-02-14T15:48:00.000Z

Hey everyone,

I am so sorry for the delay in writing a blog, but blogger.com has not been accessable at the moment for some reason, but its back for now. Well here is my first blog to you all and will cover the first few days of being in South Africa.

Saturday 11th February

Well the day started out pretty nervously as I was a little scared bout going away for so long, and the fact that the years events were catching up with me. We left for the airport at 2:30pm with Mr Sampey doing a wonderful job of getting us there by 4:00pm, so we hung around a while waiting to check in. Being a gentleman I was trying to haul around to suitcases that were not behaving! Anyway checked in nice and early and claimed our window seats, and set off for the tax free shopping, now as most of you know I work at an airport so this thought didnt excite me as I can tax free shop at Gatwick whenever, but for those who know me really well, I love to shop! LOL! So had a great time looking around the stores and getting a Burger King for dinner. As anyone who flies knows, you gotta store up some food before you go on a plane because the plane meals arnt great!

So headed for the gate on time and got into the mega long que for the plane, this thing was a full flight so hand luggage was limited to one bag, although they didnt bother checking half the people LOL! Anyway, found our seats and me being lovely I let my Mum take the window seat as I have seen it all before and this was her first flight in many years.

The take off was brilliant, and my Mum's face was a picture, as those of you have flown know it's quite an acceleration kick in a Jumbo! We flew over London and saw it lit up, and then headed south and flew directly over Littlehampton which was brilliant, and then on our left we saw Brighton all lit up including the Pier, it was truly breath taking. Settled into the flight and got some dinner which was chicken curry! Well it could have been roast beef, but they had run out by this point, grrr! So gobbled it down because it was actually very good, and left the dodgy looking salad. Managed to trade a time out bar from my Mum's dinner for a bottle of water! So a good deal, enjoyed a nice glass of wine with my meal aswell.

I decided to then watch movie after movie on the seatback tv and drifted in and out of sleep but never actually slept properly. Bout 4am I looked out the window the see thunderstorms pretty close by, it was awesome to see, as I have never seen storms from above, and these things were flashing constantly! We then actually flew through one, which shook the aircraft about and I saw lightening very close up! Quite scary but the pilot had no choice, he couldn't go around them. Saw some amazing scenery from up there, and then was treated to a 1.5 hour long sunrise, just above the wing, it was truly awesome. We then the most amazing breakfast! Dan and Pete you will pleased to hear gone is the dodgy looking plastic scrambled and bit of Bacon, you now get a full on Bacon Roll! With Ketchup! It was amazing, with a blueberry muffin and tea and coffee, it was a great way to end the flight.

Sunday 12th February
Arrived in Jo'burg and scared my Mum by showing her we were still at 6,000feet when we were landing, teeehee! It's a high airport and it freaks you out seeing cloud at 6,000 feet and then landing out of nowhere! Waited in the long que at immigration, and then as we arrived at the baggage carousel our bags appeared straight away, brilliant timing! Another que for customs and then out into arrivals and straight away bugged by the annoying porters in their orange suits! Managed to battle them off whilst trying to protect my Mum and drag two suitcases and escaped to the Domestic Terminal which was one hell of a long walk!

Checked in ontime for our next flights and went through to wait for our flight. The new domestic terminal is amazing! For Pete and Dan and Jon and Kirsty who have been before, this new place is superb. Loads of Shops including a Spur! Its really nice, and even easier to find your gate. Said goodbye to my Mum as she went off to board her flight to Durban to see her family, was sad because we are going to be apart on the week of the first year of my Dad not being with us.

Boarded my plane to PE very tired and was then met by Lady with crying Baby who sat next to me LOL! He was thr cutest baby though, and when he got his milk he was soon quiet and slept most of the flight. But when he was awake, boy did he scream! We also had crying toddler 2 rows back who decided to cry non stop for 2 hours! So that gave me a headache and I decided I didnt want children for a long time, if ever! Got to PE very quickly thanks to a tailwind, and landed with a thump thanks to the wind. At baggage reclaim my bag was 3rd off, so was well chuffed!

Went out to arrivals and was greeted by the ever smiling Jason Carter! Was great to see him after so many years again. When I got to the plane door, I was greeted by a whoosh of 33 degrees centigrade air, it was quite a sensation and I never experienced that before considering it was 2-3 degrees when I left the UK! Went back to Jason's to take a shower and freshen up after a long journey and went to pick up his Fiancee Hayley who is lovely. We had lunch with all his family, his Mum and Dad say Howzit to Dan and Pete and they miss you lots.

In the evening we went to Harvest Church and had THE most amazing time of worship, I sung my heart out that night, it was awesome. The talk was good but I was battling staying awake at that point LOL! Met a whole host of new people, and then left for Jason's. We stopped of at Steers on the way home because my stomach decided to wake up, and had some of their lovely chips with special seasoning! So that was just for you Dan, mmmmmmm Steers!

So its been an eventful first couple of days and I am totally exhausted still, but it's great to be seeing all the things I remember so well. I am missing home though, and the people there, so now only 18 days to go which doesn't seem a lot! Hope you enjoy the photo's and check back here daily for more news from down South proper!

See you "Just now"

Bazza

2006-02-06T00:45:00.000Z

Hey everyone,

Well on Saturday I wrote a really long post that was lost somehow on this Blogger thing after I posted, so I am a little pee'd off about that!! So I will try and write again from the heart hopefully close to what I said last time.

Well its one week to go before my lil adventure out to South Africa for 3 weeks, and its a time of quite mixed emotions at the moment. February has been a bit of a difficult month so far for me, on the 1st day I felt particualy sad and the tears flowed because it brings back so many memories of my Dad being in Hospital this time last year. We had such hope that he would pull through and that we would have him home again not long after my birthday.

It's a strange time coming up on my trip away, I am excited to be going away and having a break from England and stepping out of this situation, but then I know when I am there it is gonna be a time of shouting and screaming and bucketfuls of tears that will flow. It needs to come out of me, because it's been bottled up for so long and I need to sort things out in my head.

But it's not all been bad in February so far some things have made smile, and some things have happened in my life that have brought me a new level of happiness, a feeling that I can carry on with life.

I know when I go away on Saturday, that I will be coming back a very changed person. It's time for me to come home renewed and re-strengthened and to jump back into this life and live it to the maximum. If there is one piece of advice for you all out there, it is to live life to it's fullest. I know same old story and you've heard it all before, but seriously just live it! Just recently I have learnt to live life without all the restrictions that holds me back, I am trying new things, doing things that maybe I wouldn't usally do. Taking risks is what life is about, you have to try as you will never know what could have happened if you didnt try it. Change hurt's I am no stranger to that feeling, but I will state know that I will come back different and I know I need to sort some things out in my life that will bring change, but will be ultimately for the good.

I have lost my Hero, my Dad, and it physically hurts every single day.

So here I go into the unknown for the time being, I am scared, excited and aprehensive about what lays ahead of me, but I know when I come back in 3 weeks that new things lay ahead, good things and I have to reach out and grab them.

So thats whats in my head for the time being, I'll write again before I leave and will write a South Africa blog daily to keep you all informed of what I am up to out there.

Live your life to its maximum, I challenge you.

Bazza xxx

2006-01-16T19:07:00.000Z

Hi Guys,

Well this post is gonna shock a few people, cause after my last post well its gotta be said not much reaction to it! Its got to be said I am confused about Christianity right now. I have been a "Christian" for 14 years now?! Approx anyway, I like to think though that I am not a Christian, because Christianity has let me down lately. I believe I have a friendship with God, so therefore I am not anything as such or have a title to live up to. Christianity is defined as being Christ like, and at a point in life we all devote our lives to God. So then we are given the title of a "Christian". Why though is this? I do my very best to live a christ like life but its damn hard! In 14 years I have never achieved it, but God has been good to me, he see's my effort and I apologise to him when I go wrong. Yes at times I believe I have over stepped the mark and God has disciplined me for it, but that's life and you get on with it. I just can't live up to being perfect, its very difficult.

Now that leads you to a cross roads, what do you do?! Do you steam on and try and live the perfect life, or do you decided to try and build a friendship with God and admit when your wrong and confess it and move on? Well for me, I gotta move on with a friendship with God, as I said the whole Christianity thing has let me down lately. Since my Dad has died, to say we havnt had much help in my family is an understatement! We have had a core group of friends and you know who you are, but some people out there especially in my church, well like I said how can we say we are Christ like?! Hey I might be being a little unfair, but you'd think that you would get some help from your church.

Basically guys I am a little confused with life at the moment, and would appriciate any input any of you have, because frankly I can't do it on my own. I need friendship and support and for someone just to listen.

Well South Africa beckons in 3 weeks, I am hoping I will find some of my answers out there.

Til the next time....

Bazza

2006-01-07T19:26:00.000Z

I would just like to say having watched the FA Cup third round tie of Luton Town v Liverpool that Liverpool are lucky bastards!!!

They didnt deserve to win at all, and were lucky to, and to also suggest that Alonso's goal from his own half was record book mentioning, well it would help if it was against a goalkeeper!!

I flipping hate Liverpool sometimes! Bunch of winging wining scousers!!! Grrrrrr!

Bazza

2006-01-06T16:34:00.000Z

Hey everybody,

Well look who's back, back again as the great Eminem once sang! Yes I have decided to return to the great blogging world, as sooooo many people have been on at me cause my last post was October! Ahem......

So anyway, a lot of things have changed since then, I am not doing so good at the moment. I feel down, upset and still grieving for my Dad. People say it gets easier with time, but when you havn't see your Dad or heard his voice for nearly 11 months, well you work it out. It hurts, more than anything in the world. I go around this world with a smile on my face and telling the jokes because its part of my character, but I am afraid its time to change. I need to start wearing my heart on my sleeve, and show my emotions more. I feel so very alone, and I have people around supporting me, but inside I feel empty.

Anyway onto some news that a lot of you know already....I am off to sunny South Africa in 4 weeks on Saturday for a near month trip! It is my return trip from 2002 when I went with Pete and Dan. Its quite daunting because I am going to PE on my own and of course it will be summer, and that in South Africa means Snakes and Spiders.....If you know me you will know I dont like both of them, BUT I can live with them if we come to an arrangement of personal space! So if they stay a good distance away then I and them of course are happy! I am particualy nervous of meeting the Rain Spider, these things are bigger than Tarantulas but are about as brave and aggressive as my little finger! So you see thats where the personal space comes into it, if he stays away he can live.

It will be a great time though to spend a laugh with my good friend Jason Carter, a great great friend and it was Jase who rang me up the day after my Dad died to see how I was doing, now that is friendship calling from so far away! I will always be grateful for that call. My Mum is travelling out with me to Johannesburg, and from there she is going to Durban to see and stay with her family there, but she is coming to PE for a few days to check out what I have been going on about for all these years! I am looking forward to going back to my second church "Harvest Church", it truly is a wonderful place and so full of God. The purpose of my trip is to basically get away from the situation of it being a year since my Dad died, I couldn't face being in the country when the time came, so this is my way of leaving and coming back to start over again. I will also hopefully be blogging most days with photo's of what I have been up to. While you guys shiver at -5 degrees here I will be on the beach in 30 degrees and sunny sunshine! Hee hee!!

So there is a lil update for you all at the moment, things are difficult and I mean with my christianty as well, but thats a whole other story! But it needs to be addressed soon, I am wandering and the distance to get back is getting longer......

Will write again soon!

Bazza

2005-10-19T15:39:00.000+01:00

Hello everyone,

Sorry bout the delay in writing, but my computer has been somewhat knackered and has recently had life breathed into it again!

Plus I am back at work and its difficult to write much after a long day having started at 3am! So please be patient with my posts as they may be infrequent in the next few weeks.

Until next time!

Bazza

2005-09-14T00:34:00.000+01:00

The Dukes of Hazzard Post!

"Just a Good ol Boys, never meaning no harm......" Yes some of you may have recently learn't of my adoration of The Dukes of Hazzard and the fact that they are releasing all 7 seasons on Dvd. Now I have already bought Season 1 and have ordered seasons 2-4 that will be released this year. So I have decided to prove that I was indeed a fan of the original show way back in the 80's when I was 4 years old!

I have also decided that one of my life's ambitions will be to buy a General Lee or for those of you who don't know that is the car, a 1969 Dodge Charger V8. If I dont own one by the time I get married then I hope to hire one from www.starcars.co.uk for the going away car at my future wedding!! How cool would that be! (My poor future wife!)

Anyway back to the photo's of me and the first 3 are of me and my new Xmas present a Dukes of Hazzard dressing up set with a toy replica of the General Lee!! I was 4 years old in these photo's how embarressing!

Here I am proudly wearing my Dukes of Hazzard out fit!
(The red dressing gown is my own!)

Here's me in my sleigh and look at my Raleigh Boxer bike a classic!
(bottom left you can see my beloved toy General Lee!)

My favourite pic! Me and my toy General Lee here I am trying to impress my cousin with it. I held onto that car all day, I loved it!

To put you in the picture, the Dukes of Hazzard was on every Saturday afternoon in the 1980's and I would watch it every weekend, and later on this was followed by The A-Team and Airwolf but more of that another time! The next picture is of me the following year when I was five years old, and I had just opened my star present, a Dukes of Hazzard Stuntbuster racing set! It was awesome, you could make the toy General Lee do all sorts of crazy stunts.

Just look how excited I am with my Stuntbuster racing set!

So that concludes my explanation of my recent excitement at the release of The Dukes of Hazzard on DVD, on a serious note it has brought some joy back into my life to watch each episode, it brings back happy memories and I smile everytime I watch it.

Bazza

2005-09-13T23:25:00.000+01:00

Hey everybody,

Here is my update a little later than usual due to me being lazy! Anyway today has been a low day for me, because its seven months ago today that my Dad died. It still hits me hard everytime I think about it, but God seems to somehow numb the pain when it hurts the most. I shed a tear or two today as I remembered him, and I strive to live on to make my Dad proud of what I will achieve and all that God has for me.

I have a picture to show you and it is of my family on a holiday in Cornwall bout 3 years ago. It was a fantastic holiday over Xmas time, and were pictured here after a long walk around the hills. I smile when I look at our little happy family, and we will be one day again.

2005-09-07T00:08:00.000+01:00

Hi everybody,

Sorry I havn't written in a few days, I have had a busy weekend and everytime I have gone to write one I have fallen asleep. Anyway today I wanted to bring you into my world a little, you see I go through good days, bad days, and sad days. Its the only way I can describe to you what grieving is about.

Today has been a Sad day, and the only way I can describe is that you wake up in the morning and your heart sinks because you realise all over again what you have lost. For the rest of the day you don't feel right, you just feel completely sad and you can't help it. Sure you try and smile, but you just don't feel like talking or listening or anything. Its frustrating but it's something I have learned to role with and realise it's all part of the process that I have to go through.

I also feel a lil stupid today because I am still of work, I know I shouldn't feel stupid for grieving for my Dad and not being able to work because of it. But I start to wonder what people think of me and whether they think I am just being stupid. It just preys on your mind, but I know God is making stronger with my time out.

To help me through these times I cling on to these words:

"You are the way the Truth and the Light, I live by Faith and NOT by sight for you"

For those of you who know me well, song lyrics are my way of expressing how I feel, and the above shows how I feel right now. I am not sure where I am with God right now, everyday is different, but it all feels wierd. I am praying I can find my way back to his truth and light but its difficult at the moment.

I thought I would leave you tonight with a picture of me and my niece Maddie, she was born in 2001 and I wanted to share one of the happy times in my life. As you can see by my Proud Uncle smile I am very happy, and as I go through the loss of my Dad I know God creates life and we should be happy and proud. I hope I have a picture like this in 10 years time of me holding my first child if God will's it.

Take care, Bazza

2005-09-03T02:00:00.000+01:00

Hello everybody,

Its been another frustrating day watching scenes of utter madness and despair in America. It got me so angry today that nothing was being done in the richest country on the planet to help their own people. I was angry at Bush but being the way America is run you can see that a lot of it is out of his hands, and their was compassion in his eyes today and care. What we must remember is George W Bush whatever we feel towards him, the guy is a commited Christian and therefore we must pray for him.

Anyway, thought I would add a couple of crazy pics of myself today for the folks who don't see me so often so you know what I look like!! They are me being stupid and loopey, but its all in a good cause, FUN!!

Bye for now, Bazza

2005-09-02T12:26:00.000+01:00

Hello everyone, today I thought I would add a little tribute to 2 star dogs who were part of the Gray and Smith families. Myself and Pete used to walk the dogs over at brickfields and often they would run after an imaginary stick or ball that we hadn't thrown! They were both crazy, my dog Honey would chase her own tail, whilst Pete's dog Pepe would often 'play' with the carpet and had a liking to Paul Evan's leg!

We salute you Honey and Pepe.

2005-09-02T01:22:00.000+01:00

Today has been a nice relaxing day, hanging out with good friends and enjoying life as best you can. Tonight was great as we went down to the beach and sat on the bench there. It was really cool looking up at the stars and marveling at what our God has made.

For me I constantly wonder where Heaven is, and where my Dad is. As most of you will know my Dad died 6 months ago from Leukemia, which was and still is a massive shock. I am working my way through things but am finding it hard. One thing I know and God has told me is that Heaven is closer than we think, and that to me is a huge comfort. I live each day to make my Dad proud.

I am heading to the Shoreham Airshow this Saturday and that in itself will be a challenge as it is a usual family event every year for us. It will be difficult turning around and not seeing my Dad there smiling, and being able to share those Father-Son moments, but I will make it a happy day. My Dad will have the greatest view of all though with God.

So another day and another challenge, I live each day now for God and all that he has planned for me, things have changed in my life and I determined to make the most of my time here on the lil ol place they call Earth.

I'll leave you with a picture of my Dad, my Hero.

2005-09-01T01:33:00.000+01:00

Here's a little reminder to everyone that Matt + Beer + Wine at Wedding receptions = the above!! Not very pleasant as you can see, a warning to all!

2005-08-31T08:39:00.000+01:00

Well good morning, very early morning to everyone and welcome to my blog. A lot of you will know that I have had a very difficult year so far, so to help work my thoughts through I am going to write this blog. It should help keep everyone up to date on where I am at and how life is going.

Happy reading everyone!

Bazza